Hamsa

That's has been my mantra (literally) for the past couple of days. My nurse says this whenever our day becomes particularly crazy and I've started to pick up the habit. Try it one day....breathe in with a big Ham (hahm)...and breathe out with a big Sa (sah)...don't you feel relaxed? Yeah, me neither. Never hurts to try, though. It worked for the gal who wrote Eat, Pray, Love but she also spent four months studying yoga at an ashram in India so I think she had a head start on the whole meditation and relaxation thing. Anyway....

I've been really nervous about this appointment. Edward/Alex, on the other hand, has been cool as a cucumber and has been telling me that I have nothing to worry about. It's a good thing he is the way he is. We'd be in a whole mess of trouble if we were both neurotic.

Today was our first appointment with our midwife. Edward/Alex was slightly traumatized by part of the exam (I don't think he had seen a speculum before), but overall it went really, really well. I thought they would just listen for the heartbeat with the little hand-held doppler, but they actually performed a quick ultrasound to confirm Munchkin's due date. S/he is growing a few days ahead but looks great! This time s/he was flipping and flopping all around and waving those little arms all over the place.


Top picture: Head is to the left, Munchkin is facing you. Elbows are bent with the hands by the face. Legs are curled up and you can't see those very well. If you turn it sideways it looks a bit like the painting "The Scream" by Edvard Munch.

Bottom picture: Mid-flip. Munchkin is twisting on his/her side with arms pointing downward.



We're not technically out of the first trimester, but we felt comfortable giving our parents the go-ahead to start spreading the word. At this point, there really is no perfectly safe time to tell people, and all looks well at this point.

The midwifery group I will be seeing delivers in the hospital. While I'm not against home births when appropriate, Edward/Alex and I didn't see that as a good option for us. Also, midwives aren't legally allowed to attend home births in Maryland.

We chose to go with the midwives primarily because we wanted the pregnancy to be treated as a natural process, not a medical illness. It was enough to go through the fertility treatments. Now that I'm pregnant, we want to trust that my body will do what it's supposed to, when it's supposed to. Or at least we'd like to try to take that approach!

The midwives are trained to know what's normal. When anything strays from the normal, they call in the OB to evaluate the situation. So...we're not going to be left hanging if things don't happen as they should. But, unless there is need for concern, I don't need anyone turning up the dial on my anxiety unnecessarily.

I have never given birth so I have no way of knowing how I will respond to the pain of childbirth. That said, I would like to try to give birth without an epidural if possible. To be perfectly honest, it's all about maintaining a shred of control. If I don't have to be numb from the waist down, I can chose to labor while walking around, in the tub, on the birthing ball...whatever seems to work. If I have an epidural then I'm stuck on my back in the bed. If I need the epidural, the midwives don't have a problem with it. But they also aren't going try to pressure me into getting one.

Lastly, if I do have to have a C-section, it will be because Munchkin or I need a C-section in order for the birth to be as safe as possible. It won't be because I'm being pressured into it. When I was on my OB/Gyn rotations, I saw a lot of OBs pushing for C-sections simply because they wanted to get the show on the road. I'm really hoping I don't have to have a C-section, though. Again...it's about maintaining at least some control. I do not see myself taking kindly to being strapped down to a table while someone surgically removes my baby without me being able to see the birth.

Regardless of how Munchkin comes into the world, the midwife will be there to support us during labor, and will also be there to help with bonding and breast feeding afterward. It really does seem like the best of all worlds, so I'm happy with our decision.