One and a half

I know that I am supposed to be teaching Benji how to be a little person. But really, I think he has taught me more about life than I can ever hope to bestow on him.


This morning we were on our way out the door. I was going to work and Benji was going to daycare. It wasn't any more hectic than our usual weekday morning, but we were running a little short on time. There was a large pile of leaves which had drifted up against the bottom step. Benji said, "oh boy, oh boy," eagerly stepped into the pile, and gathered a large pile of leaves into his arms. He threw the leaves in the air and giggled as they floated down and around him.



There have been many times when I have wondered if I am doing this whole Mommy-thing right. But seeing his little beaming smile as he cherished his little perfect-fall-morning moment, I thought, "I guess we're doing all right." I wasn't worried about being a few minutes behind, or that we might show up at daycare with leaves stuck to our pants. I was just enjoying the perfect fall morning with my wonderful little man.



Sometimes I get a little weepy when I look at Benji's baby pictures. He's not that tiny little newborn ball of chub. He doesn't really coo any more, and he doesn't have those adorable little crossed eyes any more. And he stopped gazing over my shoulder at his "baby angels" a long time ago...although that was admittedly a little creepy during middle of the night feedings.
He's a bona fide toddler now, not a baby. It's a little sad to know that one chapter is ending. But Benji has certainly taught me how much there is to enjoy when you take life as it comes.




The toddler years have been their own kind of terrific. One of the best things by far is that he is able to love us back! There is nothing like the welcome he gives when we pick him up from daycare. He gives the best spontaneous hugs and kisses. It's also very cute the way he loves on his doll or the cats.
Benji is in his element when we are outdoors. When I need some exercise we'll take a long walk in the neighborhood with Benji riding on my back. He'll point out all the airplanes, cars, and buses we see along the way, and we'll often stop at a playground for a bit of climbing, sliding, and exploring. Or, we'll take a walk at Benji's pace. We may not go far or fast, but we sure don't miss anything. It's really a lot of fun to watch him discover his world, and see how he interacts with his environment.




He has been starting to "pretend" which is precious to see. He likes to cook at his little kitchen set, and offers me a taste of whatever he has made. He makes the animal puzzle pieces moo and cluck and oink, and he flys the plane over his head.




He is a man who knows what he wants. In the mornings, he is underfoot and chanting "banaNAAAAAA...naNAAAAA." I fear the morning I wake up and we are out of bananas! I think we have been able to avoid many a tantrum by teaching him to sign a few words, but now he's starting to indicate what he wants or what he's thinking verbally, as well. His vocabulary is growing daily, and it's wild to hear a word suddenly pass his lips and be as clear as day.




Currently, he can say:
keys
quack
tree
bath
bubble
kitty cat
puppy
fish
baby
Baby Katie ("taytee" his new cousin)
cheese
bird
water
please
Mama
Dada
more
banana
apple
bag
hat
head
belly button
Callie (his friend from daycare)
cow
snack
waffle
ball
book
night night
airplane
bus
"beep beep" (his catch all for cars, trucks, vans)
bye bye
where did it go? (sort of)
eye
bump
star
shhhhhh
woosh (while waving his arms and showing what the wind does)
oh boy, oh boy!




He also makes several animal sounds and signs several words. Listing it out like that makes me realize that he is doing/saying even more than I thought!
In "short" he's a great kid and I'm so very happy being his Mommy.

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Something new everyday!

This little man is learning something new every day! Just in the past week, he has added new words to his vocabulary, and he has started to use some of the signs I have been teaching him. He has also started to imitate more of the things we do. Tonight, a push toy became his vacuum...I have to admit he was VERY thorough!

We recently went to NC for Auntie Adria's baby shower. We had quite an adventure trying to get there, but we had a great time!







WORDS BENJI SAYS

Mama
Dada
Bubble
Dog
Car
Uh oh
Night night









SIGNS BENJI USES

Milk
Cheese
All done
Dog
Cat
Water
Car









BENJI'S CURRENT OBSESSIONS

The cats (he calls them dogs, but uses the sign for cats)
Pointing out airplanes in the sky
Reading books
Eating books
Emptying the cabinets of canned goods, pots, and pans
Building towers with blocks (or cans)...and knocking them down
Bubbles
Playing in the sandbox
Playing in, and eating, dirt
Blueberries
Cheese
Flirting with all passerby
























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B is for Benji...

...and for Belly laughs, and Big changes! It's also for Bad Mommy Blogger! It's been a while since my last post!


We have been experiencing some big changes around here. Since Benji turned one, he's had a taste of cake and had his first haircut. More recently, he has started to walk. He says "Dada," "mama," "night night," and "uh oh." He can make the sign for "milk" although he refuses to do so about 99% of the time. He does sign "all done" after he is done eating, though we are working on him doing so before he dumps the rest of the food on the floor!


Sleep is still elusive, but we're surviving! Benji still has a varied palate and will eat pretty much anything I offer him, as long as he's hungry. He has several girlfriends at daycare, but he still manages to save plenty of hugs and kisses for his Mommy.

He is such a joy. He is both sweet and silly, and his smiles are abundant!
















































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Letter to our little man

Dear Benjamin,
Benji, Munchkin, ChubWub, BenjiBoo, BooBoo, BeezBooz, Sweet Baby, Sweetie Bug, Jelly Belly, B-jam, Sweet Pea.












You are one year old today. In that short time, you've stolen quite a few hearts. As your parents, we absolutely adore you. You have grandparents, an auntie, uncles, cousins, and friends who love you and have been showering you with attention. I've seen how your smiling eyes and joyful attitude can brighten a even a stranger's day.




You are growing into a little boy. No longer an itty bitty baby, you are busy exploring this great big world. We hope you take it by storm!
We have big hopes and dreams for you.
It doesn't matter to us whether or not you become a household name, hold a high-falutin' title, make a lot of money, or win any big awards. It does not matter whether or not you can run the farthest, jump the highest, or score the most points. No, our hopes for you reach even higher.
We want you to find happiness, peace, and love. We want you to be fulfilled in whatever you do. In our dreams you are thoughtful, kind, and generous. We see you living life to the fullest, and spreading a bit of joy wherever you go.




We know there will be challenges. Right now, you want to hug and cuddle with your Mommy all the time. As hard as it is to believe, there will come a day where you'll find me a bit embarrassing, and you won't want to be seen giving me a hug. Let's face it, kid...I've never been accused of being fashionable. I doubt that will change with age! Although you're too young to misbehave, there will come a day when you defy your parents, break a rule, or throw a tantrum. You may not like us very much when we have to become disciplinarians. There will be times when you feel that we are unfair, rigid, strict, or even stupid. Your Daddy and I have never been parents. We will make many mistakes as we learn how to best raise you to be a young man. Just know that your Daddy and I promise to forever love you fiercely and unconditionally.
Benji, you have been an absolute joy. We are so very proud to be your Mommy and Daddy. Happy 1st Birthday. We can't wait to see what is in store for you!




Love,
Mommy and Daddy
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11 months old and into EVERYTHING

Look at that sweet face! But how does he suddenly look so grown up?

This child sure does enjoy his mobility! He's constantly on the move and into everything. He loves to explore, both indoors and out. It also seems to have made him less apprehensive about strangers...I guess he figures he can get away now!

He is waving, high-fiving, and shaking his head "no."

He loves chasing the cats, watching his toys bounce down the stairs after dropping them through the rungs on the baby gate, and going down the slide at the playground.





I'm so very glad that he loves to read. Not only do we enjoy cuddling up and reading stories together, but he also likes to just sit and flip through the pages on his own. He's a bookworm after my own heart!














He also really likes to make some noise. He may bang on his piano, play the "drums" (usually a pot and a spatula from the kitchen), bang some blocks together, or just jabber at the top of his lungs...but he WILL be heard!

He is very much into stacking blocks and then knocking him down. He's always up for a game of peek-a-boo. he really enjoys filling and emptying any number of containers...over and over again! It is guaranteed to make him laugh if I leap around the room like a deranged ballerina or pretend to lose something that is sitting on my head.





But best of all....he gives the best hugs!

He's a mover and a shaker!

Yup...he's almost 11 months old and I'm just now getting to the 10 month picture!

Benji is on the move! For the past couple of weeks he's been crawling and he's faster and more sure of himself every day. For a few months he always seemed to be on the verge of crawling. But, he'd wobble a little, sit back, and sigh as if to say, "well, that's enough risk for today." 3 weeks ago, however, he figured out how to get from his belly into a sitting position. I saw it happen. He was pretty proud of himself! I guess that was all he needed. Now that he wouldn't get stuck if he tried to crawl and ended up on his tummy he seemed to feel uninhibited and just took off.

Uncle Drew came to visit and we had a great time. I love watching them together. We went to the playground and the pool, and we took Drew and Benji for their first tastes of Indian food. They say he's been waving at daycare, but I saw it for the first time when he waved to Drew from across the room. It was so very sweet, and I think it made Drew's day!

Right now Benji loves to crawl, try to scale the baby gates on the stairs, race me to the cat bowls, and chase the cats. He really enjoys cuddling up with a few good books and having story time, as well. He even has current favorites which he likes to have read over and over again already. I have to admit that it makes this bookworm of a Mommy proud!

(Mis)adventures in Parenting: Sleep? What's that like?

When we were trying to have a baby, and then when I was pregnant I liked being able to hear about the experiences of other folks who had gone through similar situations. I haven't had much time on my hands but I'm hoping to do a few posts about how we've approached parenting so far. I may not be able to write these frequently (I've been working on this one post for weeks), but I'll try. Since it seems to be the thing question everyone asks about, I thought I'd try to tackle sleep (or lack thereof) first.

First off, I'd like to make it clear that I am a firm believer that families need to do what works for their unique situation. As long as everyone is happy, healthy, and safe, then I think that there are often no "right" answers which apply to everyone. I don't think that our approach will necessarily work for everyone. As a medical provider I'm probably "supposed" to agree with the medical establishment at large which tends to state that babies should NEVER sleep in the same bed as the parents and that we should all sleep train our children as soon as possible. Call me a rebel but I really just don't buy it! I think that there is a safe way to co-sleep or bedshare, but, quite frankly, I think it's too much work for a lot of pediatricians to try to spell it all out. Plus, there are people out there who just won't listen. They may feel that it's best just to say that it's unsafe and unadvised in all situations. See the links at the end of the post if you want more information on safe co-sleeping and/or bedsharing.

Benji is not a fan of sleeping for long periods. At first, we thought we really had it easy. Except for those first few days, he didn't seem to have his days and nights mixed up. He would wake up to eat, but he usually went right back to sleep without any problem. Over his 2 months he started to slowly lengthen the time between awakenings at night. He went from waking every 1-2 hours to waking every 3-5. Right before I went back to work, he would fall asleep around 9pm, wake up again around 1 or 2 am, and then wake up again between 5 and 6. This was doable! I figured that I would just go to bed when he did, feed him once in the middle of the night, and then woke up early to get ready for work.

As soon as I started working, however, the child started getting up every 1-2 hours at night. It was like having a newborn all over again...but now I wasn't still on maternity leave. That meant that I could not try to nap with him during the day (which I admittedly wasn't that great about doing even when I could). I functioned better at work than I thought I would, but I was certainly exhausted. But, I figured it was just a phase and he would soon go back to sleeping for longer stretches.

That was 6 months ago. And Benji has no intention of even thinking about trying to sleep for longer stretches. He's a very happy baby when he's awake (which is wonderful...it's a lot harder to feel sorry for yourself when you wake up to a baby who is singing and clapping as soon as he opens his eyes). He's a fabulous and pleasant baby in every way. But he does NOT want to sleep. Even his naps are more like cat naps than true naps. Twenty minutes and he's ready to go again!

One of the problems seems to be his eczema. He, more often then not, will start to scratch in his sleep and then wake up trying to scratch his face off or pull at the skin on his arm. At other times he's been teething (although I feel like this isn't as disruptive as other factors), or he has had a cold and wakes up when he can't breathe through his nose.

After Benji grew out of his Arm's Reach CoSleeper, we transitioned him into his crib. At this point I was dreading nighttime. I couldn't sleep because I was constantly listening to the monitor and just waiting for him to wake up. And, I couldn't always tell when he was waking up for real, or just making sleep noises. I was constantly up and going back and forth between his room and our room. Poor Ed/Alex tried to help, but Benji wanted to nurse back to sleep. He would just become more and more upset and was harder to calm down.

In order to survive, I started to co-sleep with Benji in our bed. Ed/Alex slept in the guest room so that we could be safe (he's a heavy sleeper and we have a queen bed which doesn't leave enough room for the three of us to share the space safely). It was great! Benji would wake up, nurse, and go back to sleep. I didn't have to leave the bed, he didn't get upset waiting for me to come to him, and I no longer woke up wondering how I was going to make it through the day.

But, I started to feel like my husband and I were just housemates. At times I even felt like we were working for the same company, but in different departments...we had the same general goals but we worked towards them separately and only really saw each other for meetings and holiday get-togethers! He wanted to help with the nighttime parenting, but it seemed silly to let Benji get worked up while I went down the hall to get Daddy...when I was right there.

So, we began to try to figure out how to bring Ed back into the room. We did try to have him sleep in his Pack-N-Play in our room but he wasn't buying what we were selling! He'd be out cold but as soon as we put him in it he would wake up and wail. We had several options, but ultimately we decided to try to sidecar Benji's crib to the bed (essentially creating a co-sleeper for a bigger baby than the ArmsReach can accomodate). Here is a link which shows how one family created a sidecar.

The side car is working for now. He still doesn't sleep well, but we all survive and no-one is sleeping on an air mattress. One day he will sleep for longer stretches (though it sure doesn't feel like it right now). When he does, we'll try to move the crib to the side of the room and then down the hall into his bedroom. But right now he needs Mommy or Daddy to help him get back to sleep, and we're really okay with that.

We've had plenty of people tell us we should "Ferberize" him, or just let him cry in his crib and he'll figure it all out. We just can't do it. Right now we feel like he has reasons for waking and that we are okay with helping him get back to sleep. He'll learn to get himself back to sleep in time.

Now, if we were resentful or angry with Benji, then I do think that letting him cry would be a better option...any time a parent feels overwhelming frustration or anger (for example, with a colicky baby), it's better to leave the baby in a safe place to let them cry while the parent takes a few deep breaths. Again...every family is different. Every child is different (even within the same family). Every situation is different. Right now we know what we can accept and at what point we need to make changes to keep everyone happy and healthy.

I really like this article by a "rogue" pediatrician who chooses to co-sleep. She makes a point to note that she is not in favor of spoiling children or letting them get away with everything. Like her, we will expect Benji to respect his elders, be kind, and to follow rules. We want him to know that we will always try our best to give him what he needs, and occasionally even what he wants (and to know the difference)! But right now we feel that he needs us to comfort him back to sleep and to help him learn that sleep is a peaceful, enjoyable experience.

For those interested in safe co-sleeping, here are a few links:

From the University of Notre Dame, Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory

Dr. Sears' take on the subject