Up, Up, and Away

The three of us took a trip down to North Carolina to visit with my family and to introduce Benji to some of his relatives. We had a great time, and Benji was a champ when it came to traveling. The plane ride didn't seem to phase him at all, and it was much easier to navigate the airport with a baby than I had expected.

I sure enjoyed being home with my family. I always miss them, but having a baby makes me miss my family even more.



Over the past couple of weeks, Benji has been reaching for and batting at objects. Sometimes he even manages to grab them! It started with him reaching for my necklace when he was nursing, and slowly evolved into him reaching for toys, etc.

He is also becoming progressively more vocal and expressive. He recently started to laugh a bit (occasional chuckles), and he loves to blow bubbles (or spit, according to Ed/Alex). He also seems to get a kick out of sticking out his tongue, especially if we stick ours out in response.

This is my last week at home with the little fellow, and then I have to return to work. I'm certainly thankful that I have a job that I enjoy, but I'm really going to miss being home with my baby. We were able to find a home daycare provider whom I feel will give Benji lots of nurturing and attention, so I know he'll be well taken care of. At the end of the day, however, I wish I was the one taking care of him all day. Luckily, my workplace has been wonderfully flexible with me, and I'll have every Wednesday off. In exchange, I'll work a longer day on Tuesday, but this will give Ed/Alex and Benji some guy time together without me hovering!

Here are some of his cute expressions:

Um...I think someone ought to check my britches...



I'm so excited I can't contain myself! I love bathtime!


Hey, why did you take me out of the bath?

Oh happy day!


Yes? May I help you?

Brave Boy

Poor baby had to have his 2 month immunizations yesterday. He was mad for about 3 seconds and then he was over it. I think it was harder on Mommy than Benji!

At least he got a snazzy bandage. He would have been right at home in the 80s with that neon bandage!

2 months old!

Benji is 8 weeks old as of yesterday. Time sure is flying by. He's such a fun kid!

He's gained a couple of skills in the past few days. He's started to gain some control over his arm movements and he's been noticeably reaching for things. He has more misses than hits, but sometimes he manages to grab (or at least bat at) whatever he is aiming for. He's been doing this primarily with my face and my necklace when he's eating.

He has also started playing what I call the "tongue game." I'll stick my tongue out and wiggle it around. He'll smile and laugh, and then he'll stick his out. He's a big fan of this game!

7+ weeks and Adventures in Cloth Diapering (abridged)

Hi there!

Benji is about 7.5 weeks old. It's been almost 2 whole months since he was born. It's hard to believe that so much time has passed already. Looking back on his earlier pictures, I'm struck by how much he has changed already. He's been a joy at every stage. While I miss some things (how his tiny little peanut self curled up into a little ball when we'd put him on our shoulders), he's captivating us with new and exciting skills.

Over the past few days, he's rediscovered his hands. He hasn't been examining them yet, but he's very interested in how they taste! He's also been "talking" more than ever. He does talk to Ed/Alex and I, which makes us feel very special...until he has an extended conversation with the ceiling fan...then we feel a little less special! He loves bathtime more and more every day, and is finding out how much fun it is to splash the water when he kicks. He's a very happy baby. More often than not, if he's awake then he is smiling, cooing, and happily kicking his little legs.




People ask me how I'm liking motherhood...and my answer is always an unequivocal, "I love it." And it's true. I can't imagine life before Benji. That's not to say that being a newbie Mommy isn't difficult. I have days where I doubt everything I'm doing, and when the lack of sleep starts to really take it's toll. But I still wouldn't trade it for the world.

I mentioned that I might do a little "Adventures in Cloth" post. If I were to really get into it, I'd have to make it a separate blog, so I'll just give you the "short story."

Ed/Alex and I decided to use cloth for a few different reasons. While we can't claim any awards for being "green" we do try to do what we can, and we felt that this was one way to reduce our portion of landfill waste. Granted, we're using more water to wash the diapers, so one could debate how green we're being, but we try not to be wasteful in general. Also, we weren't completely comfortable with all the chemicals in the disposables. That said, he's had "sposies" on in the hospital and a few times when Mommy was behind on the laundry, and we'll likely use them when we go on trips.

Ed/Alex was interested in the Blowout Prevention Potential (BPP). The fact that he has actually seen the cloth diapers contain what would have otherwise resulted in poop on furniture has made Ed/Alex a proponent of cloth! Lastly, we wanted to save money. Disposable diapers are expensive. And babies will often pee/poop on a clean one as soon as it's put on (or in Benji's case, in the process of it being put on).

We use the old-fashioned prefolds, primarily (the cloth diapers most people are familiar with). However, we don't have to use pins or those oh-so-sexy rubber pants. We use convenient (and often cute) cloth diaper covers, and we've had good luck just folding the diaper in the cover. Alternatively, we can use a little rubber device called a "snappi" in lieu of pins.

This is the least expensive cloth diaper system, but also the most time consuming. The covers don't have to be washed with each change, only if they are soiled. However, the poo of an exclusively breastfed baby quite often leads to a soiled cover. Having to buy a few more covers so that we can wash the diapers every other day, on the other hand, is much nicer than having to deal with messy blow-outs. The covers are great at containing all that poo, whereas he's almost guaranteed to cause a huge mess if he's in a disposable diaper.

Lately, we've been trying out a few of the more convenient styles. These are all-in-one diapers or pocket diapers which go on and come off much like a disposable diaper (no fussing with the cloth and then the cover). These are nice when out and about, and will also be useful when Benji starts daycare.

Overall, it involves a lot of trial and error, as well as research, in order for it to work. Certain detergents and/or washing routines can cause the diapers to lose their absorbancy, etc, so you have to know what you're doing in that regard. The most commonly used diaper creams are a no-no with cloth as they can stain the diapers (not a huge deal unless you're planning to sell them later), or can cause a fish-market-like stink (bigger deal unless you want your kid to smell like trout). Also, no one diaper system works for every kid or every family. Families differ in their preferences, and kids come in all shapes and sizes, which affect the fit and effectiveness of various diapers. It takes patience, but so far we've found it to be worth the effort.

I have to say, though, that the best thing about this experiment...has been the cloth wipes! They clean that stinky tush so much more thoroughly and quickly! If I ever gave up the rest of cloth diapering, I'm pretty sure I'd stick to the cloth wipes! And, we haven't had any stink issues
from the diaper pail (just a flip top trash can with a waterproof liner that goes in the wash with the diapers).

If you're curious about how it all works there are blogs devoted to cloth diapering all over the internet which are full of great information.

I've Been a Mommy for only 5 weeks...

...and yet I can't imagine what it was like before Benji came.

Benji is a great kid. He really is a very content baby. He fusses when he's hungry, and occasionally just because he's a baby and that's what they do. But he rarely has long periods where he is just crying or irritable. Most of the time he's eating, sleeping, or just happily taking in
That's not to say he's not a lot of work. I'm no stranger to babies and kids, but I was not prepared for how all consuming being the mother of a newborn would be! Uncle Evan visited when Benji was about 3 weeks old and asked, "but what does he do?" Well, right now he pretty much eats. And eats some more. Occasionally he'll grow tired of the gluttony and snooze. Uncle Evan might be happy to know, however, that Benji is starting to smile at us (real smiles, not the gassy smiles) and is finding his sweet little voice.

Right now are days follow a fairly predictable routine. We usually wake up for Benji to eat around 5 am. Afterward, I take him out for a nice long walk. This gives him a chance to get some fresh air and take in the sights and sounds of the outdoors (assuming he stays awake) before it gets too hot. It also gives me a chance to get out of the house and get some exercise. After we get back and he's nursed again, he typically has a period where he's very alert and happy. He and I will talk to each other, with his end of the conversation usually consisting of "ooh," "ahh," "gah," and "eee!" We'll also sing some songs, and he'll watch me as I move around trying to straighten up or get myself together for the day. He has these very alert periods about 2-3 times a day. Otherwise, he's usually eating or snoozing.

He enjoys his baths in the evenings, and he also likes to cuddle with his Daddy and I. Tummy time is something he's learning to like. Right now he's okay with it for about 2-3 minutes and then he starts to complain and wants to be flipped back over. Keeping that head up is hard work!

His Daddy and I are starting to feel like we have things somewhat under control at this point. I have to admit, though, that I tend to still have bouts of anxiety about whether or not I'm doing this whole mommy business right. I realize that this may just be what defines parenthood! Whenever I have my doubts, though, my own mommy is quick to reassure me and give me any advice that I may need.

We're still going strong with the cloth diapering. That's a whole separate post (I'll have to try to write and adventures in cloth post soon), but so far it's working out pretty well. There's been some trial and error, and there may be some things I'd do differently if there is a next time, but it's been great overall. Ed/Alex is even a fan now, and he wasn't completely convinced when I told him I wanted to give it a try. Now he's telling folks how much he likes it!

Benji is still breastfeeding. It's amazing how bad babies are at the whole nursing thing...I'd have thought it was something that instinct would pretty much take care of! Many mommy-baby couples have difficulty for one reason or another, and not all women are able to start or continue breastfeeding (through no fault of their own). We've been lucky in that he's only had some minor latch issues which have been more of a discomfort issue for me than an issue for Benji. He's growing like a weed, so I know he's getting plenty of milk! I have to admit, though, that it's not always rainbows and sunshine. It's a lot of work, it's not always very comfortable, and it does make me feel like I'm constantly nursing at times. I'm very glad, however, that it has worked out for us and that he can continue to receive breastmilk. I was starting to become somewhat discouraged but then I read an article that actually acknowledged the challenges of breastfeeding (rather than making it sound like each session is supposed to be marked by angels singing and a halo of light around the little one). Realizing that I wasn't abnormal for feeling frustrated with the process at times made it much easier for me to start enjoying and appreciating the opportunity!

So, we're doing well over all, and trying to take the challenges in stride. Those big eyes, that beautiful smile, and those cuddles makes it all worth it!

One month old and growing

Hi folks!

I'm one month old today. How crazy is that? I've been pretty busy these past four weeks. I've been eating, sleeping, and pooping (I'm an over-achiever in this department) just like a newborn should. I've also been getting to know all these wonderful people who love me and my Mommy and Daddy. We've had lots of visitors and we've had a lot of fun with everyone. They have all been a big help to Mommy and Daddy, too! I don't know what Mommy would have done without Grandmama around! She made sure that Mommy stayed fed and sane, and helped to reassure her that I was doing just fine.

Here are some pictures of me with my grandmommies, granddaddies, great grandma, aunt, uncles, and cousin. And there are many I haven't even met yet!


We've also moved into a new house. I really like our new neighborhood. Mommy has been taking me for walks, and sometimes we sit in the shade at the playground and talk about what we're seeing and hearing. Birds say, "tweet, tweet." Cars say, "vroom, vroom." Daddy has a few more days left before he has to head back to work, so we've been hanging out now that he's all done with the move.

I'm rocking my fluffy bottom in my cloth diapers and mommy wears me in my carrier more than she uses the stroller...I'm sure the neighbors think she's crazy!

Mommy and Daddy are tired but happy. They tell me I'm a pretty laid back baby, but I'm sure that I keep them on their toes!

Welcome Benjamin!

Hi folks!


Please forgive the delayed post. We've been a bit busy lately! Benjamin Alexander Bremner arrived on 4/26/11 at 1:34 am. He weighed 8 lbs 11 oz (the estimate had been 7- 7.5 lbs), and was 20 inches long. He has all ten fingers, all ten toes, one kissable little mouth, and one cute little nose. I can't believe it, but he's already 1 week old.





I've included the birth story below for those who may be interested. If you're not comfortable with it feel free to skip it! It was one of the most difficult things I've ever done, but so very worth it.


This past week, we've been trying to get the hang of things. Having a newborn at home has changed everything. Luckily, we have an awful lot of support. We've had lots of family members stop by to visit, and we've enjoyed showing the little guy off. My mom stayed with us for the first week, and I can't imagine how we would have survived without her. She helped us by cooking, going to the grocery store, helping us care for Benji, and (most importantly), kept encouraging us when we felt overwhelmed. We have more family coming by in the next couple of weeks, and we can't wait to introduce Benji to everyone.

We've also been in the process of getting ready to move. This, obviously, is much less fun than holding a cuddly baby. Ed/Alex has been great about trying to take the vast majority on himself, while still making sure that he can spend time with our little guy.

I'm going to post some pictures here, but Blogger sometimes acts up when I try to post too many pictures in one post. I'm going to try to have a separate post showing the family and friends who have come to see Benji. Also, if you want to see the (many) photos taken of him so far, you can go to http://gallery.me.com/ebremner#100025. Ed/Alex set up a gallery so that we can all upload our pictures and share them. There are pictures of the proud grandparents, Uncle Bill, bringing baby home, mom showing us how to give him his first bath, etc.




The Birth Story (warning: it's a long one)



As you may remember from previous posts, I was really aiming for a birth that was as medication- and intervention-free as possible. This wasn't because I'm against interventions or medications when they are needed. I think every woman needs to have the opportunity to have the birth experience she feels is right for her, and I also recognize that interventions are sometimes needed to ensure a healthy baby, which is the ultimate goal. I simply wanted to try to avoid medications that may make me or the baby less alert, and I wanted to try to avoid the "cascade of interventions" which can sometimes happen if steps are taken to speed labor when it is not necessary.

I saw a group of midwives throughout my pregnancy, and since my pregnancy was a healthy and happy one, I never even had to see the OB. This group of midwives deliver at the hospital, so I knew that Munchkin and I would be well taken care of if the need for interventions or emergency procedures became necessary. However, I also knew that the midwives would do everything possible to make sure that my wishes were respected as long as baby and I remained healthy. As much as a home birth appealed to me in many ways, I really felt like this arrangement was the best of both worlds, and provided a safety net should one be necessary.

Munchkin's due date was 4/22/11 (Good Friday). As I expected, this came and went without much ado. I worked Friday, and planned to go to work on Monday if I wasn't in labor. That weekend, I had a few contractions but nothing regular.

Early Monday (4/25) morning, around 2:45, I woke up with some contractions. When I couldn't fall back asleep I realized that they were coming at fairly regular intervals and I started to time them. They were about 7-9 minutes apart at that time. I knew that this could either be the start of the real deal, or it could stop and not start back up for several days. I got up to walk around and see what happened. They slowed down initially, but by 5 am they were regularly 5-6 minutes apart. I called my mom and told her I thought it was time for her to start heading up this way. Even if it wasn't the real thing, we had decided she'd likely go ahead and come up so that she'd be here when I did go into labor, as we both really wanted her to be able to see the little one being born.

I started to make sure all my bags were in order, took a shower, fed the cats, etc. I remained pretty calm, thinking that I may very well stop having contractions at any minute. When Ed/Alex woke up, though, my contractions were 3-5 minutes apart, so I told him I thought we both needed to call into work. I called the midwife, expecting (and hoping) to be told to stay at home a bit longer. I didn't feel like the contractions were all that painful, and I had been told to try to stay home until I couldn't talk through the contractions. Instead, the midwife on call asked me to go ahead and come in to be checked.

When we got to the hospital, we were taken to a triage area. The midwife checked me and I was only 2 cm. She also felt that I looked way too comfortable to be in labor. They hooked me up to the fetal monitors to make sure Munchkin was tolerating the contractions, and then told me to walk the halls for a couple of hours to see if there was any progress.

Ed/Alex and I took the walking pretty seriously! Back and forth, back and forth...I was restricted to the halls of the labor and delivery unit, so it wasn't the most interesting walk. The contractions started to come every 2-3 minutes and were getting stronger. I was still able to tolerate them without too much difficulty, however. I tried to breathe through them, and found that leaning on Ed/Alex or the rail and swaying my hips really helped with the discomfort.

When we headed back to triage, the midwife said I was only at 3 cm, and to be honest she didn't seem all that impressed! She gave us the option of going home and returning when the contractions started to ramp up. I started to feel really, really silly for coming into the hospital so soon. We decided we'd leave and get some lunch, do some walking, and see what happened. Admittedly, I was a bit nervous about knowing when to come back in. With contractions every 2-3 minutes, it didn't leave much wiggle room once they were more frequent. At the last minute, though, she decided to hook me up to the monitors one more time. After a few minutes she came back in and said we needed to stay. Apparently the monitors proved that I really was contracting as often as I said!

We were admitted to a room on L&D. They started the intermittent monitoring, where they would put me on the monitors for 20 minutes, and once they saw that baby was happy, they'd set me free for an hour. Since I didn't have to remain hooked to the monitors, I was free to roam the halls, pace my room, bounce/roll on the birthing ball, etc. I noticed a significant difference in my ability to tolerate the contractions when I was allowed to do what my body felt it needed to do, rather than sitting in the bed. I truly think that the ability to have intermittent, rather than continuous monitoring, made all the difference in my ability to work through the contractions.

For the next few hours, I walked, swayed, bounced, etc. We were allowed to have 2 more people in the delivery room, and we offered those spots to both of our mothers. They both arrived at the hospital in the late afternoon. I knew that Ed/Alex's mom would be able to make it on time since she lived nearby, but I was nervous that my mom wouldn't be able to get there (or that she'd drive helter skelter to do so). I was so very happy when they both arrived, since it was important to me that they be able to see their grandchild enter the world. Also, I really wanted my mommy with me! Ed/Alex was absolutely wonderful as a partner and birth "coach." I by NO means mean to take anything away from him by saying this, but I really wanted my mommy there, too! As a mother to four and a former NICU nurse, I knew she'd be able to keep me calm whenever I forgot everything I ever learned in PA school and became nervous!

Sometime in the late afternoon I had to make a decision about my first intervention. I was at 6 centimeters and still handling the contractions really well. The midwife offered to break my water to see if this would "get things moving." I'm usually an evidence-based medicine gal. I believe in trying to avoid medicines/procedures which haven't been shown to be helpful, as I feel like it tips the balance in favor of the possible side-effects when there hasn't been a proven benefit. At the same time, I also respect clinical experience and intuition, as I've had to rely on them in my own professional career, and have found that they are often much more reliable than "what the literature says." So...I told her she could go ahead.

After she broke my water, my contractions became much stronger. I was still able to work through them. This is when I took full advantage of the birthing ball. I was allowed to walk, but it just didn't seem all that practical after she ruptured my membranes (for reasons which should be obvious)! The ball allowed me to sit in a "supported squat" without straining my legs, and I could roll my hips during a contraction. Remaining upright, rather than in bed, also allowed me to let gravity do it's thing.

Mom took this picture during one of the monitoring periods, after my water was broken. I was starting to feel a contraction ramp up, hence my holding onto the bed. But, as you can see I'm still smiling! During this period I found it helpful to imagine each contraction as a wave. Knowing that it was finite, and that it would reach a peak and then subside, allowed me to handle each contraction as it came and know that I would soon get a break.



And then I entered "transition." This is the final stage of active labor. It's the most intense, but luckily it's usually the shortest. When I hit 7-8 centimeters, I started to wonder what I had been thinking when I decided to avoid medication! I knew (from talking to the midwives, reasearch, etc) that this was the period where most women really started to feel like they couldn't do it, and that it was important to remember that the birth was imminent, and that this stage would not last as long as the previous stages. I think I promptly forgot this once I entered it, though!

This was the first time that I started to feel out of control. I couldn't find a position that seemed to offer even partial relief from the pain. I stood under a warm shower for a time and that helped, but in all honesty I felt like I didn't have any strength left in my legs. After all, I had labored on my feet for the vast majority of the time. I could have tried the tub, but sitting was also uncomfortable.

At this point, my memory of the course of events starts to deviate from that of my husband, my mom, and my mother-in-law. I feel like I was screaming and losing my mind. They seem to think I was moaning quietly and handling it quite well. All I know is that I felt like my body was going to be ripped in half. I could no longer relax the rest of my body during a contraction, and I wasn't getting much of a break between them. I tried lying on my side, sitting, squatting, getting on my hands and knees...nothing seemed to help. I can't say I felt relief by standing and swaying, but it seemed to be the only position that didn't make it worse. My legs were feeling pretty weak, however, and I just felt like I couldn't stand any longer. At some point I told everyone that I felt like I couldn't keep the baby in and I was going to drop it on the floor. They decided I was ready to push!

I was a bit afraid of pushing, even though I heard it was actually less painful than transition. I have seen many a birth, and I was really afraid that I would push for 3+ hours, and I just wasn't sure I had the strength for it. Unlike an OB who would have come in at the last minute to deliver the baby, my midwife stayed with me for the entire time I was pushing. Ed/Alex and my L&D nurse helped me hold my legs, and everyone in the room encouraged me. In the end, I pushed for about 1 hour. It really was much less painful to be able to push through a contraction, but the pain was replaced by exhaustion. My midwife was very patient, and helped to make sure that I pushed in a controlled manner. I'm convinced she's the reason why I didn't receive an episiotomy, nor required any stitches.

At 1:34 am, Munchkin was born. The plan had been for Ed/Alex to "catch" and to cut the cord, but unfortunately neither of this was able to happen. The baby had the cord wrapped around his neck, and when the midwife slipped the cord over his head, the cord actually snapped. As you can imagine, this was quite a dramatic moment, as the cord contains an artery that was still pulsing at the time. I'll spare you the details, but I lost a fair amount of blood. The shoulders were slightly stuck but the midwife quickly delivered Munchkin, who started crying before he was completely delivered.

What a beautiful sound! I heard my baby cry, and when I looked at my husband, he was tearing up, as well. They placed the baby on my belly where I got a glimpse of my baby's face for the first time. I didn't know it at the time, but I was loosing a fair amount of blood, so they took the baby over to the warmer. That's when I heard, "it's a boy," and I knew that we had a son! I was so eager to hold him and get a good look at him, but in the meantime I watched the new daddy and grandmommies look on with pride as they examined Benji. Finally, they wrapped him up and brought him over to me, and I got a chance to fall in love with the little guy.



My uterus didn't want to cooperate and took a bit longer to contract down and stop bleeding. They gave me a shot of Pitocin and massaged the uterus in order to try to stop the bleeding. Between this, and the loss from the snapped cord, I had some initial difficulty standing/walking at first (I remember thinking it was funny that we were still using smelling salts in this day and age). By late morning I was still moving slowly, but I didn't have to be escorted everytime I left the bed.



So, that's the story. Would I do it again? I'd really like to think that I'd try to go med-free again. I do think that Benji and I both benefited in many ways. Also, I now know what transition feels like...when it seems like you can't take any more pain, it really doesn't get worse, and you're almost there. HOWEVER, not knowing what I was in for probably allowed me to be just clueless enough to go for it. I can also see the benefit of pain control (ability to rest in early labor, more energy to push, etc).